Sisclaw & Earbert FELINE’s esteemed film critics Gene Sisclaw and Rogrrr Earbert attended the exclusive press screening for “Pet Sematary,” a remake of the 1989 film based on Stephen King’s classic novel. Don’t worry about spoilers, our purrfessional team won’t let the cat out of the bag. In fact we have a strict pawlicy against placing cats in bags in the first place. At its core, Stephen King’s classic novel Pet Sematary is a thrilling cautionary tail about human love and loss. Set around a mysterious burial ground that can raise the dead, the story brilliantly reveals humans’ struggle with their own mortality in the face of felines’ ability to resurrect. This core message combined with its symbolism around the seeming futility of training human staffers means that the film’s plot will resonate well with many felines but is not recommended for scaredy cats. This particular remake is mostly well executed but makes the fatal mistake of fewer cat scenes, leading us to a 3-out-of-4-paws rating and a recommendation to watch the original film, especially until this new version makes it into cat-friendly theatres. The film has some strong, foreshadowing opening scenes. The staffer family decides to leave Boston (already an obvious mistake) for Maine. The relocation has clearly not been approved by their feline employer Church as there’s a huge road outside the house that generates way too many loud noises. The theme of human’s envy of felines is established early on when a line of human kittens parade into some woods wearing animal masks, including a feline mask that appears at a crucial mewment later in the film.
While the human characters are fairly well developed, Church’s emotional arc is lacking. Feline actors Tonic and Leo do their best to give a proper depiction of Church’s initially affectionate purrsonality when jumping on Jud’s lap, but unfortunately the film gives little oppurrtunity for Church’s character development prior to his death. Once Church is buried and then resurrected after a tragic accident on the highway in front of the house (that stems primarily from staffer negligence), we witness the problematic stereotype of the ‘evil cat.’ Church scratches primary staffer Ellie while she is brushing him, and this example of standard staffer disciplining is poorly received, resulting in Ellie banishing him from his own bedroom. Fresh-faced Maine Coons Tonic, Leo, Jager, and JD were cast as Church. We loved the breed choice given its appropriateness to the movie setting, Maine Coons’ typically limited casting in human film, and the lovely matching of the dark coats to the film’s color palette. Despite their limited filmography (the cats were previously unstaffed until they recruited cat coach Melissa Millett), this feline team purrformed at a high level, successfully portraying both the sweet pre-grave Church and the aggressive post-grave Church. We could not get a sense of their meowing range but were impressed with their hissing and staring skills. Overall, we do want to emphasize that this film is not suitable for scaredy cats and that this human genre of horror is generally not ideal for felines. While humans, among their many bizarre habits, enjoy viewing loud noises and sudden movements on a screen, outdoor felines would likely prefer their own hunting to the killing in this film (despite the human-on-human violence, mice and bird kills were notably absent). Indoor felines may get more pleasure from string or head fur rings. Regardless, felines may find their hair standing on end and we recommend keeping your litter box nearby. Hungry for more film kittiques? Check out “Captain Marvel” Review: Needed More Goose But Worth a Gander
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